About Me - Birth to 1st Transition Point
I am a Canadian female, born in the 50's, married in 1970 - a mom of two in the 70's - a grandparent in the 90's. I have always been "sensitive to the energies around me" - looking back at my life - I can see that now.
From the 1950's to the late 1990's - I was well schooled in family and world traditions and all the dysfunction that goes along with that. I served as an elder and Sunday school teacher in church for several years during this period. The church doctrine plus rampant hypocrisy within that realm - left me angry, dazed and confused. The nightly news - the trend towards constant warring on the planet and the onset of big pharma becoming our health and wellness authority - further disturbed me.
Being a person committed to living honestly and with integrity - much of what I learned from family, church and the world at large had set me up to be VERY co dependent with no personal power. The worst part is that year after year as I participated in tradition after tradition - I felt like I was betraying a part of myself - that stood off to the side in total exasperation. I could see repetitive patterns in my life and the lives of others. These repetitive patterns that I noticed were in how we thought, how we spoke and how we lived our lives.
I had been silenced enough times along the way when I tried to express my insights - by my authority figures in my life. I had just started keeping things to myself. My life took on a robotic feel because I was bored silly and felt helpless, hopeless and exhausted. Being co dependent kept me running in circles helping people who didn't want help, just attention.
The only up side to this whole period in my life is that I somehow - had common sense. The traditional ways of being and doing were definitely up for review.
Lets back up for a minute: My parents were wonderful, hard working,multi tasking, honest people. I was raised on my dad's family farm located - in a small community in Alberta, Canada. I am the eldest child of four children - certainly the bossiest - a trait that often befalls the eldest female child.
My dad had 13 siblings - so I grew up surrounded by Auntie's and Uncles and cousins galore. The community school I attended grades 1 thru 9 was over flowing with cousin's in every grade as well as 3 Aunt's who taught there. It was fun to know everyone but equally as exciting when someone who was not related to you moved to the community. I met the Love of My Life because a new family moved to town.
Dad was a quiet man that wore many hats - being a farmer/rancher, the local water hauler and school bus driver. Mom was a multi talented individual with a distinct personality and one of the hardest working women I ever knew - she wore just as many hats as dad. That combination produced four hard working children and inspired a whole crop of grandchildren as well. We never suffered for food, clothing or Love actually - we never attended church - until much later in life. Dad and Mom had agreed when they got married - that we could make up our own minds about our Soul's education. Dad had a couple different schools of thought going on in his family and apparently he had not warmed up to either of them.
Mom was adopted and had had a stormy upbringing and definitely had a belief in a Higher Power - but not necessarily in the "goodness of man". Because of mom's upbringing and the ongoing dysfunction on her side of the family - she would not talk about her life before being married. It was not until after she passed just before her 61st birthday - we found out that mom had been raised around family violence and that her crooked nose did not happen from falling off a horse. I tear up when I think of this - this explained so much.
I was always a "Sensitive Child" - mom told me - I REALLY CRIED A LOT - I had several other traits that would mean more to me as time wore on. From about a year and a half I would wake up in the night and see a group of people standing beside my bed all in a row - they were just standing there looking at me - some of them looking like they were leaning in for a better look. I would scream, cry, cause a stir until the Light was turned on in my room and the group would just disappear from sight. It is very interesting - I remember those times vividly to this day - eyes open or shut. I ended up sleeping with the Light on for years - I was scared of the dark for years as well. As the years rolled along, I remember seeing visitors - if I had a high fever and became delirious. In my early adulthood the visitors would appear - if I had been given pain medication due to surgery or childbirth.
There was a general sprinkling of "what the heck" moments - all along in my childhood and continued into adulthood. Those moments that you "just never forget".
Just before and after mom passed in 1998 - "different and new" unexplained events started happening. During mom's short stay in the Palliative Care area of the hospital - I committed to stay at the hospital with mom. I believe the "visitor" I had during a particularly bad day was my "Inner Child" - I perceived a child leaning on me near my knee - she was crying her eyes out - I thought "oh boy now what" and then it came to me - "comfort her and tell her you will look after her and she has nothing to fear". I followed the guidance of that inner voice and then as per usual - filed it with all the "unexplained visitations and mystical events" my life had been peppered with.
A few weeks later - I was helping clean out mom's craft room in the basement of my parents home. My sister had went out for a smoke and I decided to pull one of hard plastic dressers on wheels - full of craft supplies - across the room to a better lighted area. Half way on my journey across the room - I bumped into something "solid" - I turned around getting ready to say to my sister, "sorry". Yeah, nobody was there - I got "goosebumps and felt a little sick"....
Mom had passed - We had just came through a second "checkered" incident within the main stream church we had been attending. We were left devastated and could not take anymore of these antics. We still were people of faith and integrity - NOW WHAT - better yet - what do I do with with these hands that heat up and pulse when we pray for the sick? What about all those "unexplained incidents" that have happened all my life?
This was the later part of 1998 - my first Transition Point.....